So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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