I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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