guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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