there was a trapeze. enough said
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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