her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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