I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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