why didn't you poke me back
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
