Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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