I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Couch. On fire.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
