I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Randomize
