dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
