Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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