I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
