I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
