I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
