just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
