i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
