I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
