It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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