omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
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