I'm sorry my penis didn't work
well I can't set my house on fire every night
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
