He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I forgot wine drunk hurts
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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