mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
