He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Blood and glitter go together right?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
