I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
