you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
