Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
