im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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