highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
