Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
