I hope mine doesn't look like that
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
how does that bad decision feel?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
