my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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