im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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