We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
