Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
