I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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