his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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