I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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