he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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