I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
