If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
