I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
