Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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