Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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