HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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