On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
