I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
