why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
