We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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