dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
