I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
