Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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