just come out here and I will go home with you...
im drinking this country out of the recession.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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