oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just gargled with NyQuil
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
