I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
