Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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