I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
