His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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