So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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