Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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