I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
