apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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