gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
