the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
All I want is dick and wine.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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