so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I think my moral compass just broke
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
