First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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