he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
