Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
