I just pynch a tree in the face
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
