i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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