I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
