$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
