Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
