There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
