feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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