dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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