I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
