I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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