i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
