I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
