The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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