I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
