hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Who died my cat blue again?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
