You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I am mentally ready for anal.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
