Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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