hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Randomize
