just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
