my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
