Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just blew my weed a kiss
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
