I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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