a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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