We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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