I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I can't turn off my feet"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
