Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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