I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
