Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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